And I SHALL Covet That
This week, I bought a faux leather jacket.
To provide a little background on this information, I will say that this was a purchase that has been considered and deliberated over for years; I have known I wanted a leather jacket since I started watching Buffy from the very beginning back in 2017 and saw how great she looked in one. OK, we can’t all look like Sarah Michelle Geller, but I did quite fancy the version of myself I knew I could be if (like Buffy) I just had the right jacket. It had to be black, it had to have lapels and a belt, and it had to fit me just right - not cropped and not too long.
As a regular thrifter, my eyes have been peeled for this jacket every time I stepped foot in a store. I have spent hours and hours poring over every jacket I could find online, from websites like Etsy and Poshmark to high-end brands that I knew I couldn’t afford. My measuring tape has been sitting next to my computer for months, as I would constantly retake my measurements every time I found a potential candidate. I would get my hopes up, order the jacket, and then send it back in dismay when it arrived and was not quite perfect.
In the last year, as my need for this jacket rose to its peak level, I exhausted every possible option in my search for it. You might say I became obsessed, not just with the jacket or the person I would be in the jacket, which evolved into some kind of fantasy in my mind, but with the search itself. It was all I could think about it. So when I tell you that I finally found the one, the one that fits how I want it to, that has just the right soft feel, that hugs me but gives me freedom, and that makes me feel so unexplainably cool when I wear it, you will understand the relief and joy that this brings.
I do love the jacket, and feel so happy each time I put it on. BUT. There is a part of me that really misses the hunt! I feel weirdly deflated after all this time of wanting something, searching for it, and finally owning it, and I am already looking for the next thing that I will fall in love with, agonise over, and scour high and low for.
‘Thou shalt not covet’ doesn’t seem like fair instruction to me! Coveting something, desiring it so strongly, can often be what gives us the energy to go after it and get it. There are plenty of things that we don’t need to care about in this world; I don’t care much about having a fancy handbag, a nice car, or the latest piece of tech - those things have to be seriously broken for me to even consider replacing them. I don’t care about them, so I don’t want them, and therefore I don’t get them. So why not take extra care about the few things that we really do want? Why not covet them, do everything in our power to get them, if they will make us happy?
And when I talk about coveting something, I really mean to yearn for it. Sometimes our minds play tricks on us and tell us that we desire something when really that thing is not necessary or essential to our lives at all (in terms of practical or emotional needs). That’s why it’s always a good idea to take time over the decision to buy things - easier said than done, I know.
I’m also not talking about greed here, although tell me if you disagree! Greed, to me, implies quantity - wanting much of something, just for the sake of having more - and doesn’t really refer to the quality or value of the thing you want more of. Greedy people often want to own lots of money, not so that they can spend it on, say, a beautiful leather jacket, but just because they want more money. Maybe they choose to buy a leather jacket with their money, but it’s not the jacket that holds any significance for them, it’s the money that the jacket represents. Or maybe they want a giant house(s) that they can fill with more stuff, not because this stuff is particularly sentimental to them, or that they really coveted any of it, but just because wanted to have more and more things. But imagine the meaning and worth in owning a small curated collection of things that you really, really wanted, worked for, and chased after for so long!
This doesn’t have to be just about material goods either. A year ago, before we moved to DC, my partner and I visited the city to see if we could imagine our lives here, to see if it had the kinds of things we were interested in having in a home. When we walked down one particular street - the one on which we now live - we both turned to each other and expressed how much we loved it, how fantastic it would be to live there, how we would be regulars in one particular store and get to know the owners of the local cafe. We coveted that life, and we made it happen! There has been so much buzz about ‘manifestation’ online, and while I don’t personally subscribe to those kinds of abstract philosophies, I consider coveting to be the same kind of concept. To covet something is to want it, wish for it, and then follow your goal of obtaining it, however possible.
I guess I believe that, in this dark and gloomy world we live in, I think it’s OK to want things. It’s OK to desire them, to search everywhere for them until you find exactly the one you want, to care about getting the best one. Because without that excitement and thrill, what - we would just be ambivalent to everything?!
Next on my list? The perfect water bottle. Can anyone point me in the right direction?!
Of Interest
Since I read ‘Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead’, by Olga Tokarczuk, I’ve been sort of quietly sitting with my thoughts about it. It’s an intimate, touching novel, almost poetic in a way, and highly original. It’s one of those books that I think are really worth reading, even if you don’t enjoy them in the moment of reading them. Here’s a review from NPR to better explain what I feel.
I’m a fan of anything Renée Fleming does, but lately, I’ve been most enjoying her new album, ‘Voice of Nature‘. Here are a few words about it in the New Yorker.
Is anyone else watching ‘Maid’ on Netflix? Holy Moly is it heavy going, but such well-produced storytelling. Why do I always choose such depressing TV dramas…
‘The Park Bench Is an Endangered Species’ article for The New York Times Magazine - what a sad loss.
This Munchies video about a South Indian/Texas BBQ fusion joint looked too mouth-watering not to share.
This article in The Atlantic about being yelled at. This is such a skill - both yelling and being yelled at.
There’s a lot to agree with in this video essay from the NY Times about why we need to change our outdated attitudes towards quitting.
After reading the advice in this article in Wirecutter, I decided to upgrade my dishwasher game. I’ve been using the cheapest of the cheap dishwasher detergents for years, and always have to pre-wash my dishes before putting them in the machine. I went out and bought the most expensive brand, in its premium version, and my plates have never come out so sparkly (no pre-wash necessary!).
I invested a few minutes of my time into colour coding my Google Calendar and it has been life-changing. If you want to be able to take a quick glance at your day/week/month ahead and instantly know what’s coming up, if you have several different kinds of work or projects going on simultaneously, if you want one place to clearly see your tasks and reminders, here is my gentle nudge to you to do this too.
This cute cartoon in the New Yorker - Happy Hallowe’en everyone!
